R-E-S-P-E-C-T Part I

I have been thinking a lot about respect lately and what it means to give and receive respect. I think it has a different significance to everyone.

According to Webster’s dictionary, respect means “esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability; proper acceptance or courtesy; the condition of being esteemed or honored“, but the things I perceive as respectful may be different to someone else.

My husband and I were talking about this the other day. I have been trying really hard to talk about my feelings with him (something that is very difficult for me) and not keep things inside like I’m used to. I had just spent the entire day cleaning the apartment from top to bottom. When I got to “his” room – no, we don’t sleep in separate rooms; it’s just our spare bedroom where he keeps all his Army stuff and game systems and does homework; he calls it the Man Cave – I couldn’t do any cleaning in it whatsoever. It was a mess. There was stuff everywhere. Granted, it’s all stuff that he uses on a weekly, if not daily, basis, but it was still interfering with my ability to do my job. I was kind of upset about it, but couldn’t figure out why. Later, when we were talking about it, it finally hit me: I felt disrespected when he didn’t keep this room picked up.

Keat had been having a hard time understanding why I was so upset just because there was some stuff out in a room I hardly even enter. But as soon as I said the word respect, he completely got me. It totally clicked. I went on to give him some lengthy explanation about how, because I feel called as a homemaker, I work extremely hard to keep the rest of our home clean, orderly, and comfortable. Because I strive to keep things in order, that one room disrupts everything and I feel like the rest of my work was all for nothing. (That may just be my OCD coming out!) I explained all this to him, but I could have stopped at the word respect. That was all he needed to understand how important this was to me.

Men crave respect. That should be a well-known fact. Men need respect. Ephesians 5:33 says “… the wife must respect her husband”. We are commanded to respect our husbands.

I think that men and women both need respect; however, I think men and women have entirely different ideas of what that means. My husband appreciates when I transparently show respect to him as the head of our household. When I submit to his will in any area of our marriage, that shows Keaton respect. When I take his advice on something, when I request him to pray for something, when I rely on him, even when I ask him to do something for me, he takes that as a sign of respect and shows that I see him as the leader in our relationship.

Respect is also important to me, but I see completely different things as respectful. To me, I feel that Keat respects me when he keeps the Man Cave clean. I feel respected when he listens to my ramblings at night even though they don’t interest him just because he knows it’s important to me that he listens. I feel respected when he prays for me without me asking him to.

Okay, wow, I just took a break to read over what I wrote and remind myself exactly where I was headed. Completely unplanned, look at how I described what Keat and I each see as respectful. Unintentionally, I used the word “show” when describing what Keaton appreciates and “feel” when saying what I appreciate. That right there may be the difference in respect for men and woman.

As a woman, I want to feel appreciated; that is what makes me feel respected. As a man, Keaton wants my actions to show him respect. That makes complete sense. Men are (typically) not very in touch with their feelings, so they probably didn’t even know whether or not they “feel” respected. It is important that men are shown respect. It is important that women feel respected. Without even knowing it, when I didn’t feel appreciated by Keaton, I in turn felt disrespected.

I used to claim to be “different” from every other girl (I’m really not an emotional person, things like holidays and anniversaries are not important to me, and I really am bad at talking about my feelings) but now I am learning to embrace the fact that I am very much a woman. Being emotional and “feeling” things like respect is not a bad thing!

I think it’s awesome how men and women were created to balance each other out. If both people needed to see respect to know it’s there, no one would ever be respected! And if both people wanted to feel respect no one would be respected.

It’s the perfect equation!